"Yo no soy Yo." (I am not I)

I am not I
Walking beside me, whom I do not see,
Whom at times I manage to visit,
And at other times I forget.
The one who forgives, sweet, when I hate, 
The one who remains silent when I walk,
The one who takes a walk when I’m indoors,
The one who will remain standing when I die.”

~ Juan Ramon Jimenez, Translated by R.B.

The shadow is always at work. Watching your every move.

It's the dark side of you -- your false self. The side which makes you feel like a fraud -- an imposter.

It's the false belief(s) you have about yourself. The baggage you carry around... filled with all the aspects/characteristics you don't like about yourself.

Inside this bag you put all of your suppressed emotions and psychological wounds: anger, rage, shame, guilt, etc. Pretty soon, the substances in your bag take on a personality.

A personality called, "The Shadow."

And as a result... what you put in your bag "de-evolves into barbarism." It becomes primitive and hostile toward the owner of the bag.

Basically... your shadow becomes your accuser. Your temptation to commit violence against yourself.

"Kill yourself."
"You're a liar."
"You are alone."
"You cannot do this."
"Your family is broken."
"You're not a good father."
"You are damaged goods."
"No one understands you."
"You have to do this all by yourself."
"Your sin and brokenness define you."
"You do not have a place in this world."

We all have baggage.

In fact...

... Some of the greatest men in salvation history have fallen victim to their shadow.

(10) But Moses said to the LORD, "Oh, my LORD, I am not eloquent, either heretofore or since you have spoken to your servant; but I am slow of speech and tongue."

(11) Then the LORD said to him, "Who had made man's mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the LORD? (12) Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak. ~ Exodus 4:10-12

(6) Then I said, "Ah, LORD God! Behold, I do not know how to speak, for I am only a youth." (7) But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a youth; for to all to whom I send you you shall go, and whatever I command you you shall speak. (9) Then the LORD put forth his hand and touched my mouth; and the LORD said to me, "Behold I have put my words in your mouth." ~ Jeremiah 1:6-7, 9

Moses and Jeremiah both struggled with their shadow -- false stories about themselves. My brother... today you and I are struggling with NOTHING NEW.

In fact...

We're in great company. The great men of God too... doubted themselves and held onto stories of their perceived limitations.

The "bag" we drag behind us

We put the parts of us we don't like in the bag we drag behind us… also the parts of us which our parents don’t like!

Your "bag" is your collection of suppressed emotions. I.e., your "baggage."

Every part of our personality that we do not love will become hostile to us. We could add that it may move to a distant place, and begin a revolt against us as well.” ~ Robert Bly

Where is this distant place?

It's deep beneath the surface of your soul. Your pond. Better yet... it's at the bottom of your "well." The place where you hide.

(... more on "the well" in a later lesson.)

When we don't do the required Bucketing Work... the parts of us which remain in our "distant places" become hostile to us and plunge us head first into our Toxic Cycle.

“If we identify ourselves as uncreative, it means we took our creativity and put it in the bag.” ~ Robert Bly

You see brother... the shadow is a literal projection of the contents of your bag. The LIES we speak about ourselves are the exact things we put in our bag.

“I’m not creative.”

You put your creativity in the bag.

“I’m not smart.”

You put your intellect in the bag.

“I’m ugly/not attractive.”

You put your confidence in the bag.

"I’m weak. I’m a loser, I’m not smart."

You've put your self-esteem in the bag.

"I'm a liar and not trustworthy."

You've put your ability to trust others in your bag.

Etc. Etc.

Shadow-Projections

This is essential to know because the content of your bag clouds your ability to RESPOND. Remember... as men we've only been shown two ways to respond: 1.) Projection. 2.) Hiding/Passivity.

The LIES we speak to ourselves soon manifest into the hostile personality of "the shadow." You also can see evidence of this by how we treat others.

What we tend to accuse others -- especially our children -- of being/doing are shadow-projections of what we've put away in OUR bag.

A toxic cycle in and of itself which must be broken. And the only way to break it is by... 

Disintegration of The Shadow

First and foremost... the shadow is NOT something you want to integrate with. "Integration of the shadow" is a teaching/practice of The Occult.

"Work through your demons."
"Fight through your demons."
"Make friends with your demons, they are teaching your something."

NO!

This opens the door to the demonic and yokes you to spirits.

The goal is DISINTEGRATION.

To overcome shadow forces... you must develop the courage to face the lies in your "Bucketing Work."

You must open the bag and expose the shadow to the light of truth. To see the truth through the lenses of your GOLD.

What does this look like?

Let's look to the blueprint of what it means to be a strongman. Immediately after His Baptism... Jesus entered His Desert Journey and denounced satan's shadow-projection with the TRUTH.

(1) then Jesus was led up by the spirit into the wilderness, to be tempted by the devil. (2) and He fasted forty days and forty nights, and afterward He was hungry. (3) and the tempter came and said to Him, "if you are the Son of God, command the stones to become loaves of bread." (4) But He answered him, "it is written man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God."

(5) Then the devil took Him to the holy city, and set Him on the pinnacle of the temple, (6) and said to Him, "if you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, "He will give His angels charge of You," and "on their hands, they will bear You up lest You strike Your foot against a stone."

(7) Jesus said to him, "again it is written, you shall not tempt the Lord your God." (8) Again the devil took Him to a very high mountain, and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them; (9) and he said to Him, "all these things I will give you, if You will fall down and worship me." Then Jesus said to him, "begone, Satan! for it is written, you shall worship the Lord your God and Him alone shall you serve."

(11) Then the devil left Him, and behold, angels came and administered to Him. ~ Matthew 4:1-11

Like any good coward... in the weakest moments of our desert journey... satan -- the shadow of death (Psalm 23:4) -- comes to tempt us.

To accuse us.

To attack our identity -- which is our weapon to overcome the shadow. Remember step one to binding a strongman?

You disarm him by demoralizing him.

You detach him from his religion.

... and you create a wedge between him and the cause and final end of his being -- which is the truth of his identity.

It's the first thing the Devil does when he approached Jesus (he attacks His identity).

"If you are the Son of God..."

He attacks Jesus with scripture.

How does Jesus respond?

By hiding?

No.

He responds with scripture (i.e., His Poetry). With the truth of who He is -- the Son of God. You too are an [adopted] son of God (Luke 3:22, Galatians 4:7).

This gift is bestowed on us at our baptism. It's where our good Father weaponizes us with the truth.

And this truth is Your GOLD.

Facing The Shadow

Christ has given you and I a blueprint to follow. Remember, we are created in the image and likeness of God.

(356) Of all visible creatures, only man is "able to know and love his creator." He is "the only creature on earth that God has willed for its own sake," and he alone is called to share, by knowledge and love, in God's own life. It was for this end that he was created, and this is the fundamental reason for his dignity.

(357) Being in the image of God, the human individual possesses the dignity of a person, who is not just something, but someone. He is capable of self knowledge, of self-possession and of freely giving himself, and entering into communion with other persons. And he is called by grace to a covenant with his creator, to offer him a response of faith and love that no other creature can give in his stead.

(364) The human body shares in the dignity of "the image of God": it is a human body precisely, because it is animated by a spiritual soul, and it is the whole person that is intended to become in the body of Christ, a temple of the spirit:

Man, though made of body and soul, is a unity. Through his very bodily condition, he sums up in himself the elements of the material world. Through him they are thus brought to their highest perfection and can raise their voice in praise freely given to the creator. For this reason, man may not despise his bodily life. He is obliged to regard his body as good and to hold it in honor, since God has created it, and will raise it up on the last day.  ~ Catechism of the Catholic Church p. 356-257, 364

We are created with an intellect and will.

We possess the very same dignity of God. Every time we do violence to ourselves through venial sin (See 1 John 5:13-17) we violate the very nature of God.

When we believe our false self... we cast ourselves into our Toxic Cycle of Sin. These wounds can lead us to deadly sin (I.e., "mortal sin). Cutting us off from the life of God (Romans 6:23).

When these attacks happen, this is the time to BUCKET.

"Where is this coming from?"
"Is there truth in what we are saying?"
Etc, etc.

The RESPONSE PROCLAMATION is the hammer against the shadow. It is your "GOLD."

Remember... your "GOLD" allows you to see the TRUTH. Because the shadow -- i.e., the Devil, Satan, "The Accuser" -- uses LIES (known as "Demonic Thought Tampering" ) and your PAST to tell you who you are.

By virtue of your baptism... it's the POWER given to you through the Holy Spirit.

And the only way to get your GOLD back is to dip your wounds into the spiritual pond of your life by living your two-fold purpose:

1. To do and live God's will so you can share in his divine life.
2. Your vocation as a husband and father.

Bucketing Work

"And they have conquered him — the devil — by the Blood of The Lamb and by the word of their testimony for they loved not their lives even unto death." Revelation 12:11. 

It's time to weaponize yourself with the truth.

It's time to open the bag and see your shadow through the lenses of your GOLD – through the TRUTH about yourself.

... and it starts with Bucketing Work.

Step 1: Complete a Bucketing Session and "through the word of your testimony." Start writing your poetry/scripture so you can cement a new belief about yourself an RESPOND to life's challenges.

Step 2: Take this truth -- this new belief about yourself -- and write your Response Proclamation.

Step 3: Face the Shadow.

See you in the next lesson.

hec g.